Ways for men to show confidence through body language
As men, we want to feel self-confident in our work, our dating relationships and in our abilities to play an instrument, a sport to name a few. Individuals with self-confidence trust in their abilities, have realistic expectations, know their strengths and weaknesses, are able to adjust to difficult situations, and meet different challenges given to them. Being self-confident is more than just words and the ability to say one is self-confident. Confident body language is also very important. Studies have shown that body language constitutes more than 80% of communication. Therefore, it is crucial that we learn what body language does and does not display confidence to others.
Do
- know that eye contact is important
- smile
- know that walking is as important as talking
- use your hands carefully
- remember that your tone of voice is important
Don't
- forget to watch your hands
- cross your arms
- fidget
- use verbal fillers
- invade personal space
Do know that eye contact is important
Culturally, we value eye contact above other forms of nonverbal behavior. Eyes can communicate emotions, interest and connection to others. Poor eye contact is often associated with lying, lack of trust, poor self-esteem or interest in another person. It has been shown however, that experienced liars often can maintain excellent eye contact. It has been suggested that one should place one’s eyes between the listener’s eyes and a bit higher. Some people may be threatened by direct and constant eye contact. If your listener looks away, take the cue and you also may look away for a brief period.
Do smile
We spend a lot of time on our teeth. We whiten. We straighten. We are cognizant of fresh breath. Studies have shown that smiling increases your sense of well-being. It conveys to others that you are friendly, approachable, and likeable. When you smile at people, most return with a smile of their own. It generates not only positive feelings in you but can elicit positive feelings in others.
Do know that walking is as important as talking
The way you walk says a great deal about you. A confident walk can go a long way. Be mindful of your shoulders. Don’t hunch them. This may convey insecurity and fear. Walk with your back straight and your chest slightly out. Walk slowly and in a relaxed manner. A rigid walk may imply nervousness.
Do use your hands carefully
Using your hands while speaking can help punctuate what we are saying. Using your hands helps the listener to remember what you are saying in two ways: visually and auditorily. Do keep in mind that too much hand gesturing can be distracting.
Do remember that your tone of voice is important
To sound like you know what your talking about, keep your voice down. Allow your voice to sound relaxed. When you end sentences be mindful not to allow your voice to go up. When you do this your sentences will sound like questions or seeking approval instead of making confident statements.
Do not forget to watch your hands
Although hands can be used positive to accentuate points you are making and they help the listener remember what you are saying, hands can backfire on you. For one thing, keep your hands out of your pockets. Don’t fidget with things in your pockets, with a pen, with your hair or any other object. This may convey you are nervous, bored or lacking interest and confidence. Do not place your hands behind your back. It can convey the message of uncomfortableness and fear. Practice keeping your hands and arms to your sides.
Do not cross your arms
This nonverbal behavior can convey that you are closed off, disinterested, or perhaps frustrated and angry. This behavior is often one of the most misinterpreted nonverbal behaviors. As stated earlier, practice keeping your arms at your sides.
Do not fidget
This is a behavior that some people are or not aware of. People show less confidence when they fidget with things in their hands. It is often interpreted as anxiety. A common fidgety behavior is constantly shifting your position while sitting. Other common fidgety behaviors is while sitting moving or twirling your feet; moving your legs (which looks like you need to use the bathroom); adjusting clothing, picking lint off of clothes. When standing, stand still. Moving while standing conveys your are nervous or uncomfortable. Fidgeting serves a purpose in that it can be soothing and reduce anxiety but does not display confidence.
Do not use verbal fillers
When people are anxious or lack confidence they may fill in the conversation with “ums, ahs and you knows.” It is okay to pause when you speak but when you fill the silent pause with an um, ah, or you know it is distracting, annoying to the listener and makes you appear less intelligent. Fill the silent pause with a smile, gesture or just a natural breath.
Do not invade personal space
It is important to maintain an arms length distance from others. In business or a job interview, it is important to shake hands. Be careful not to hold the handshake too long as it may make the other person uncomfortable. It’s fine to lean in closer when sharing something personal but watch the behavior of the listener. If they move away they may be uncomfortable with you in their space, not trust you, or think you need a breath mint.
Summary
You may have the looks, job qualifications, education, experience that may make one feel confident in the workplace, in relationships and in life. However, this perception of confidence can be thwarted by poor attention to body language. As the expression goes, “Actions speak louder than words.” To practice confident body language, videotape yourself. Have a peer or a significant other ask you questions for a job interview or do a mock dating situation. It may seem awkward at first but the video can be a valuable tool. We don’t see ourselves the way others do. Practicing and observing your behavior can go a long way in showing confidence to others.
