Advice for men on rejoining the dating scene after the divorce

Do make a list of the qualities you are looking for in a partner

Getting clear on the type of relationship you want will help you focus more quickly on finding the partner you prefer. Think back to what qualities you liked in your ex, if anything, or identify what you didn’t like about her and look for the opposite.

Do stay on neutral topics that allow for conversation

Before you head out on a first date, have a few questions ready. “Do you like to travel?” Or, “What is your favorite place to visit?” A few more: “What do you like to do on weekends?” and “Have your always lived in this city?” These are easy strategies to keep the conversation going in a way that allows you to get to know each other and find out what you have in common.

Do be honest on dating sites

Honesty is important in a relationship so don’t start off by portraying yourself as someone you’re not. If you don’t want to date someone who has children say that so you aren’t wasting their time or yours.

Do communicate by phone too, not just text

It’s important to connect and you can do that in a more meaningful way by actually talking on the phone than the quick, abbreviated way texting occurs. It also helps avoid miscommunication, as tone can be misunderstood in emails or text messages.

Do put the word out to friends, family, and co-workers you’re ready to date

Often men are more guarded about the topics of love and relationships. Your friends or family may think you don’t want to talk or not know how to broach the subject. If you are up for dating, tell them! They just might know someone great for you to meet.

Do not talk about your ex on the first date

If she asks, you can respond that you are divorced but then ask her a question. See “Do” #2. Chances are your mood will change negatively if you are talking about the past instead of focusing on the future and getting to know the person you are sitting across from.

Do not assume dating is the same as it was before you got married

Social media and smartphones have changed the dating landscape. Facebook and apps like Tinder and Hinge may make the process “easier”, but your personal life may be more exposed than you’d prefer.

Do not have sex on the first date

Take time to get to know someone before you jump back into an emotionally charged situation and be sure to practice safe sex when you do. Having sex on the first date can send the wrong message.

Do not be surprised if your emotions are all over the place

You got divorced for a reason and whether it was for the best or not, you will still feel a range of emotions at some point including grief for what you had or what you thought you had. Going on dates may make you miss your ex, may make you wish you’d left that relationship sooner, or frustrated you have to start over. Confide in a close friend or see a therapist for a few visits to sort through these feelings if they are impacting your daily life.

Do not introduce someone to your children until you are in a monogamous, exclusive relationship

It goes without saying that divorce is tough for kids and so maintaining stability is important. Having your kids meet different women you are casually dating can be confusing and stressful for them so unless it looks like something serious, don’t introduce her to your children.